Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Mouthwash Incident

 The other night, my wife and I were enjoying a nice bottle of cheap wine and chatting. As it grew late, and the wine disappeared, my wife decided to use my mouthwash before bed. I keep it on the top shelf in the bathroom (no real reason, it just fits up there) and she couldn't reach it. I went it to take it down for her, and watched in horror as she popped the cap off and swigged right from the bottle.

I screamed in horror "YOU FREE POUR MOUTHWASH? You can't do that! You have to measure it!" This was probably not the best thing to exclaim to somebody with a mouth full of liquid, in fact, you should never exclaim anything at anyone with a mouthfull of liquid. Let's make that a rule. Anyway, she started to giggle as she swished it around in her mouth. I decided it was best if I left the area, partly to decompress the humour of the situation but also to protect myself. But I had to at least hang around. After a few seconds, her laughter slowed and ceased. We were in the clear.

Or so I thought.

About 5 seconds after stopping laughing, apparently it all came crashing back, because that's exactly what the mouthwash did; all over my shelf, clean toilet, and finally floor. She busted out laughing, asking me what the hell free pouring mouthwash is exactly. I explained to her that the cap has marks inside it to accurately measure out how much you should have in your mouth, and that it's irresponsible to just ignore it and go right from the bottle. Well she couldn't stop laughing, and I couldn't seem to get my point across.

So I put it to you, fellow bloggies. Do you measure out in the cap, or do you chug from the bottle? Side question, do you count to 30 in your head and then spit, or just free time it?


  1. I put the mouthwash in my mouth, start swirling, get my cat and stand in the garage and start the slow electric door closer. When it is almost at the bottom, I let my cat go, and just as it makes it out Indiana-Jones style, I spit out the mouthwash in to windshield wiper fluid tank.

  2. I chug from the bottle, after time and time again of using the cap, you know roughly the right amount after time.....I also swish it for over 30 seconds.

  3. haha thats hilarious. I use the cap but I don't measure, I just poor some in then swish it around for a while then start to count to 60.

  4. I just chug till it feels right, I usually go through one bottle each wash.

  5. Chug and Free time. But hilarious as hell story, happened to me too many times! Not as exactly the same, usually goes like
    Open Medicine Cabinet
    Get tooth brush and paste
    put paste away, close medicine cabinet
    brush brush brush rinse
    open medicine cabinet
    toothpaste attacks me! falls in sink.

    So funny that I'm not the only one this happens to. xD

  6. What's wrong with that? o_O

    That's how I take MY mouthwash. :P

  7. Pour free, rinse free, and spit free. I can't be bothered counting and measuring in the mornings. :(

    I did find your story humorous. I didn't exactly know what "FREE POUR MOUTHWASH" was until I read more lul

  8. Free pour, free time... but most probably longer than 30 secs!